I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
