I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
