Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize