he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
