i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
