I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
