It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
