Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
