i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
