I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
