we're blogging at a bar
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
