I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
