he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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