can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Terrible idea I love it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
