I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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