sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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