I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
