she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This house was built for laser tag.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
