and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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