Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
