The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
