I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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