just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
