Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
