hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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