so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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