I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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