She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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