i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
