I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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