i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
