Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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