I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
