I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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