I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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