forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
