sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
