so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
