my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize