haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
