Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
