Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize