im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
