Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
