My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
