My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
