i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How external is "for external use only"?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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