you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
