My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
