you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
