; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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