he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
