currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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