Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
