I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
