That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
