I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids