where does the pee come out of this thing
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
