just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
